Sunday, January 07, 2007"
I noe its a filthy habit. Haven touched it for 24 hours. E feeling is seriously fucked up. I noe im done for. I rolled in bed for 18 hours. no strength to walk nor heave a word. I tink it's because of the 7 sticks i took on new year eve nite. Currently living off mentos strong mint. Drinking a lot of water too.
Dad's condition is slightly better. He can move a bit now, trying to walk a bit too. He can also eat now. But he threw up ytd. coughed a bit of blood out also. the surgeon says they have to insert a scope into his stomach to check if there are gastric ulcers. it's rather sickening to see tubings running in and out of dad's body, as if he live off machines and the needles poking thru his veins, although he nvr breathed a word bout them. pple visit him wif gifts. he welcomes them wif a big smile and talked to them lyk as though they are long lost frens. but each tym i pick up the fone to hear dat pple are looking for dad, i'l tel them he's nt able to pick up the call. dad wil scold me everytym i tel anyone hes warded. He wants a quiet environment. He wouldn let granny stay to take care of him either. I stayed to massage his thighs and let his muscles relax a lil. dad's a strong man. He took no morphine and warned me to take care of my body when exercising. hes v satisfied wif lil bro. wif his interests especially. his devotion to music and arts. cello and calligraphy. Im the eldest son of the entire family tree, yet im most immature and useless.
I passed basic theory evaluation. copied a lil from the book and managed to pass 63/70. just nice 90%. BTT's on the 22nd of jan. Mum cant be the breadwinner. i need a decent job now. need to study also. Still, im the source of all troubles. It was lyk this when granddad left us. and its lyk this again when dad's on the hospital bed. I need to learn. I need to change. Desperately.
Spoken at Sunday, January 07, 2007
